P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
