I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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