Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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