I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
