Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize