I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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