..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it's like iHOP with fire
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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