WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
