do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
