All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
