I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
me + whiskey = a bad person
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
