so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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