I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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