Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
