She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
