Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
