Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
