please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
