Need sex. Gaining weight.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
