just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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