Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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