RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
