Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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