my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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