After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
