When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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