I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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