It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
