your room smells of hookers.
And success
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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