Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize