The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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