the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
