I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
