Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
