Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
