I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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