he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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