when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
