Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
