as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
