it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
