Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
