So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
