Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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