Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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