I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Semen is not good for contacts.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
