i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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