I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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