I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
