I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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