just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
love makes seman taste better
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
