Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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