Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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