What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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