I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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