I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
