so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize