I cockslap morals
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize