were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
