May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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