I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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