oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this boner is exhausting
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
