Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
