You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
