her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
