How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
