just tell him i said nine months
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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