Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
