Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
