My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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