twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
