1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
