I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
