I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
