I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize